Thoughts Unlimited

Beginner’s Bad luck

2006-11-28T17:58:00.000-08:00

One lazy day I was just sitting around and wondering what I could do. Surely there are plenty of things that I’ve always wanted to do, so there could be something I could use my time on. Then it struck me, I’ve always wanted to write stories. Not necessarily publish them (Well if they were any good, why not!).

Anyway I had this long wish to pen up an entire really good story. But I dint want it to be based on my experiences or something that has happened to me in the past. So I open up word and stare at the blank white screen and said silently, “Okay let me figure out how creative I am after all”. Then I find an inspiration (About which I am not going to discuss right now! Who knows it might in fact shape up to be a story sometime). Okay I got the idea in my head and now I have to sketch out characters, lay plots and ah! Describe happenings!

Hmm so I start, go on a few lines and Grr! I am stuck, a character in my story is pregnant, and I really don’t know how to describe pregnancy and my plot required the intricacies of the baby within along with the symptoms of the mother’s health and possible complications (for dramatizing ofcourse). So I decide, ok let me educate myself about the whole process and I google up! And well you know the internet, there is a hell a lot of information. You get lost in the wilderness of cyber space! And I thought jeez god! Do all writers actually do this much research? I couldn’t get past a page and these people actually write volumes!

Well there is a case when my writing might just flow in the speed of a running river! And that’s when it’s been close to my personal experiences. But writers don’t always write about their own life, (Or do they?) that’s not creativity or imagination! Or was it just starting trouble? I do want to write a good story someday! And a darn good one it will be! (Even if it’s just going to be something only my grandchildren might read!). Until then I can see my writing is getting bad, including my Blogs :D

Virtually Reclusive!

2006-08-23T18:15:00.000-07:00

Here I am! Back after a long long time. I’ve changed my blog’s url since my last post. So I doubt if everyone who used to follow my posts can reach here except for a few who were curious to know where my blog’s new hiding space is. I’ve also stopped advertising my blog on my social network profiles or messenger statuses. No special reason just felt like hiding my blog in some arbitrary place in cyber space. There sometimes is a little pleasure in being reclusive. If you stumble upon this page read on! If you’d like to share this page with your friends your welcome to do so. But I still prefer to remain anonymous. This is where I scribble when my pensive mind needs an outlet!

A COWgirl's game

2006-01-18T11:57:00.000-08:00

Being in India on a vacation and I got the time to write a blog? Well psychosis is not something new you would witness about me! :P

Anyway met with my school friends after close to 5 long years. Hailing from an all girls convent, life was never more fun! We could talk about absolutely anything with no shame, embarrassment, awkwardness or any weird feeling in the world. I got reminded of those best days of my life from kindergarten right up to standard 12. When I mused over standard 12 I thought of another institution - my tuition center. Everyone goes for tuition in his or her 12th standard. It’s the big thing… It’s the boards… It’s life or death. Wait but was it the case for us?

When I say “US”, it means a bunch of my schoolmates and I who went to this tuition center and our featherbrained behavior there. I don’t know after so much monkey business how we managed to do a decent job of the boards. For anonymity sake I’ve changed their names and will also change other objects that could relatively be identified with.

Introducing the powerpuff girls, the dames of destiny, the princesses of the universe… (Ok I’ll cut the crap!)

Me, Annie, Priya, Nandini and Sheela….

Scene 1: At the bus stand outside our school Nandini and I are waiting to take the bus to the tuition center.

Me: First day of tuitions today!
Nandini: Hmm yeh!
Me: 12th ya! Whys it gottu be so much pressure
Nandini: Hmm
Me: Hullo are you listening?
Nandini: Well, check out that guy… ain’t he cute?
Me: What? You in your senses? …hmmm well anyway he’s kinda okay
Nandini: Come on man… don’t you discuss guys… Ok let’s make up a code word
Me: What kinda code word?
Nandini: Something which wont make other people suspect we are discussing guys!
Me: like what?
Nandini: Hmmmm….(thinking deeply, you definitely need to dig your gray cells for this one! ;)) Got it! Guy…. Sounds close to Gaay which means cow in hindi… So let’s refer to guys as cows.
Both of us: Giggles giggles giggles… (Now I understand why convent girls look stupid but I still don’t know why guys like dumb girls)
Nandini: What do u think of that cow… well forget it…you can’t even call it a cow. Gosh man madras has fewer good cows day by day! What am I going to do!

Now people around us if they even heard our conversation must have been wondering why we were soo concerned about the dropping population of cows in Madras!

Scene 2: Part, which introduces the heroes of the story. One of the classrooms in the tuition center, a long one with one column of desks. The girls sat in the front and boys at the back. The first session was attendance.

Maths Master: Deepak
Us: shoulders bent forward and heads turned close to 270 degrees clockwise direction and quickly back to position
Maths Master: George
Us: 135 degrees anti-clockwise direction
Maths Master: James
Us: 135 degrees anti-clockwise direction
Maths Master: Naren
Us: 180 degrees about turn and all heads froze for a fraction of a second
Maths Master: Salman
Us: 135 degrees anti-clockwise direction all heads back to position except Annie’s head.
Maths Master: Sundar
Us: dint quite hear a “yes sir” so we dint know which direction to turn immediately. But somehow found the owner of the name. We the smart babes ;)

Many other names in between and after. Then the girl’s attendance, which is not of much significance ;).

Scene 3: After a few weeks. Conference after tuition class.

Nandini: God gurls! Naren is soo cute! He comes to class in a really cool English color car. (She always looked out for that car when the roads were in her range of vision). Bet he’s rich. My kinda guy. What say?
Annie: Dunno man! I think salman is soooo chweet…cutie cutie types, and he drives a really cool bike… He’s the man!
Me: Huh? He looks like he jumped out of a farex tin. Picturing him on a bike is a disgrace to the biking community. What say sheela?
Sheela: Huh! Hmmm yeh I guess. I think… hmm maybe!
Nandini: Ohh come on Sheela … atleast naren is cute right?
Sheela: Probably…. Hmm perhaps…. Errr… ( From that instant Sheela the dummy! No one cared what she thought!)
Nandini: Ok Whatever! Congrats Annie we got guys! Lemme see…hmm… alright Salman’s my brother and Naren’s your brother what say!
Annie: Done! Yaaay! We are sister in laws!
Priya and me: (look at each other… and think -heights of insanity? Sheela was figuring out if they were actually sister in laws or co sisters)
Nandini: Come on girls pick guys soon…
Priya and Me: What?
Annie: Ok fine I’ll pick (Somehow all my life people around me thought they were better in making MY decisions) how about Sundar… the nerd guy who whisper’s his attendance… I checked out his test notebook…god man he’s scored as if he eats his books for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
Me: No way! (Who wants to be the girl of the nerd anyway!) By the way I think he kind of resembles my grandfather! (What a weird reason to think of! That’s all that came to my mind)
Nandini: (Laughs like she’s crazy) Does he look that old? Anyway forget Sundar. I think Deepak is the best match for you. (Deepak happened to be the most unsightly guy of the lot!)
Me: Nandini No fair! You just pick the best-looking guy in the class and you pair me up with Deepak? For no reason at all!
Nandini: There is a reason dear…listen. Deepak is my son… So am your mother in law… Need a better reason to go for him? (smirks and giggles)
Me: Yeah right! Now I know from where he inherited his looks!(irate by her queen of the world attitude I flair up) Ok Ms. Oh so arrogant! I’m in competition with you for Naren. You gottu fight your way through.
Nandini: No you wouldn’t
Me: Try me!
Annie: Peace girls…. We still got priya!
Priya: Why me?
Annie: How about James!
Priya: Why him? I don’t need any!
Nandini: You are asking us why we chose James? Are you blind girl? That guy can’t take his eyes off you. Do him a favour ;) Come on! It’s just for fun.
Priya: Oh really nandini? George’s friends always nudge him when you enter the class…and he’s all pink. What to do George a favor?
Nandini: Nopes… Am settled!
Me: Ms.Kittie…are you sure?
Sheela: (Still wondering how the family relations connect… if Nandini is Annie’s sister in law and Pavithra is Nandini’s daughter in law. Then how is Pavithra related to Annie?)

Scene 4:And many more discussions like the previous scene over the year… quoting all that will increase the length of this already long blog. Well everything was for fun… the small bickers were for fun too nothing serious. We never thought of talking to those guys (that would spoil the fun) and the guys would have wished they were invisible if we even uttered a word to them. It was the last day of class and the owner of the tuition center was giving us a speech about how important the 12th boards are and blah blah….

Owner: !@#%%^%&*(**^$$@@!@ blah…blah…blah… I am very proud of all your performance so far. I wish you all the best in your exams. I am sure you will come out with flying colors. Thank you! Now all the BROTHERS leave first and then the SISTERS can leave.

Us: What??????? Aaahhhhhh Haaaa!!!!!!! Hell! Are the brothers and sisters related? We mean from the same parents?

Disclaimer: Few dialogues might not be the same as it was spoken in the past. I added my own touch here and there to boost the humor. The gist is true though.

Blog Disaster!

2005-12-11T06:58:00.000-08:00

I kind of have a hunch this is going to be long. I can hear all you guys saying “Jeez girl, tell us something new.” Well well let me get started right away and stop making it longer…

After a week of quite a lot of work I kind of went insane, I dint want to work or study. So it all started one Friday evening when my friends and I decided to just take the weekend off in spite of the fact that it’s just a week before our final exams. So we started watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S. and laughing our heads out. Then I thought what makes something funny? What makes things more amusing than other “normal” stuff? I dint understand how and why… So I decided ok let me sit down and classify, analyze and come to a conclusion. Hence the blog…

Okay let’s divide it into sections and subsections (Yeh! Your right I’m Crazy :D)

Physical form:

I think joking about physical form has been the most famous and easiest way to make movies, TV shows, plays and gossips funny!

Size: The size of a human is by far the most popular under this section. Any abnormal size, skinny that a small woooosh would disturb your balance or super extra flesh growing probably even on your eye lids and earlobes (if that’s even possible) is great for a little joke!
Hair: Hey this by in itself is funny, but it so seems that something as small as hair is a good subject for some fun. I wonder if there is anyone who hasn’t seen a joke of a wig being blown off a bald person. Too much of hair is funny too. Hey blonde jokes! Related to the color of a person’s hair!
Skin Color: How can I forget mentioning this! An absolutely fair girl in my college was nick named “Miss. White Cement”. And about dark people I do remember watching Hindi comedy serials featuring dark skinned “madrasi” people and South Indian movie comedy tracks involving repulsively dark men/women.

Brilliance and Mental State:

Stupid in class: A stupid classmate is a perfect choice for some funny gossip, who should have rather admitted she dint know than mutter something. But not knowing it sometimes funny too.
Absent Minded: Professors and teachers are a sure target for jokes; we hate them for inflicting education on us. Their occasional/frequent follies are for quick grabs. All that knowledge is probably getting too stuffy in the gray cells that its pushing common sense out for a little while :P
Lunatics: Well a lunatic asylum is a surely a perfect stage for a full length comedy movie. Insane is definitely funny, things have to reach the extreme end to get more and more funny. Lesser the feeling of consciousness the better. Drunken people make good comedians too.

Community:

Gender: Men joke about women and women about men! driving skills(w.r.t. women),cooking skills (w.r.t. men), shopping craze (w.r.t. women), beer craze (w.r.t. men) and so on…. Just remember all your fwd mails.
Marriage: Wow! This is popular too… not just the husband and wife bring in the in-laws too! Infidelity, authority, regrets, quarrels…blah blah blah! Hey the pre marriage stuff is funny too; blind love (firm rooted definition of love) and/or match making (probably the most hilarious part!)
Neighbors: Hey come on… being nosy is fun and my nose can only reach next door!

Forbidden stuff:

Swearing: South Park… probably one of the best examples of how extremely amusing profanities can get.
Sex: Even if you tell me you’ve never heard / said such jokes… I’m sure you are lying. Forbidding something is probably analogous to lifting it higher on humor-content-meter!

Practical Jokes: Play a prank and get the gags out of it once you see the fool tricked!

Black Comedy: Sarcasm at its bes….

Wait a second!! Hold on …. I somehow don’t see this analysis going good… Is it my imagination or is it really so that every sub-division of humor I’ve listed so far is at the expense of someone or something. So is it that every form of humor involves some kind of implicit mockery or the other! And is making fun of someone a good thing? At every point aren’t we hurting someone’s feelings?

My realization came to rescue before I was going to jump into the well of guilt. Something can be funny ONLY when its “True” or at least has a very obvious implicit truth hidden in it (Sarcasm). And something which is as a matter of fact true after all can not miss the stage! Er! Atleast that’s how I think so!

God! I never thought that this is such a complicated subject to write a blog on… All my fun this weekend just inspired me to start this analysis but it turned to be a helluva disaster dint it? I realized that if you ask why something is funny…it simply ceases to be funny! Thank you for bearing to read until the far end of this disastrous blog, I was thinking of not posting it… but well… If I had got this drafted well I would have probably got myself a paper published in a psychology or psychiatry (don’t really know the difference) Journal

I’d just like to say one last thing though…. When someone’s making fun of us we should probably be a sport and laugh over it too. Because probably if we feel bad about it, we are only being guilty of what we are. And if they are kidding us about something we are not, we just got to learn to laugh at their bad sense of humor :)

I once read this on a very short guy’s t-shirt “Life is SHORT ……. Make fun of it!” I could not help but smile! So take it easy and spice up your life with a frequent dosage of Humor and fun and sometimes make fun of yourself!!

Affections Disguised

2005-10-09T19:37:00.000-07:00

I was just looking at an old photo I had with me and my mind went wandering all over the infinite memories stored, especially the ones with one special guy who was always around me. My Little Brother! (Well, hez not little anymore but I’d like to think so always). So here’s down memory lane.

22^nd January 1987 this soul came into being on earth. He is four years and a half younger than I am. He troubled my mom with his bad appetite for food but would drink close to 2 and a half glasses of Bournvita and jump up with infinite energy like a wound up spring.

I had a cupboard full of toys all neatly arranged and taken care of, just after a couple of years of his life and it reduced to a rack of toys and a cardboard box of ruins of his staged war among all my toys. I hated him for that and my mom would pacify me “You’re a grown up girl you don’t play with those toys anymore”.

He was so mischievous he climbed up a chair and swung open the window and THUDDD! It hit right on my grandmom’s face who was watering plants outside in the garden and poor soul she lost her two front teeth. To this date we all pull his leg about it…

My dad has this fancy of recording kid’s voices, he had a tape of my voice as a kid and wanted to record my brother’s too…Boy! Was he giving us a tough time…. My dad would say “Say, A for apple” he would be like “uhh hoooo!” and run all around the room, I would then go up to him and say in his ears “Hey say A for apple otherwise daddy will scold u” and then he said “A for apple” then my dad continued “B for ball!”. He then said “B for ..B for…B for” I tried prompting from behind and he gave me a sly smile and said “ B for Bamrakatta (don’t ask me what it is or what it means, it was his own crazy vocabulary) he haaaaaaaaaa ha ah” and run away.

There is something I’ll definitely avenge him for someday. I had this cute little pink teddy my dad got for me from Bombay! I used to hold him while I sleep. In a little fight we had he snatched it from me and ran all around the garden and I was trying to catch him. He held is above his head as though he was taller than me. Once he realized it would be easy for me to reach…He flung it over on the sunshade. My dad told me he would get a ladder the next day and rescue teddy for me. Damn! It had to rain that night and all I got back was something looking like a Black Voodoo doll! Grrrrrr!

He had some fascination for “One Rupee”. He once told my dad, “Daddy lets get a car!” My dad would say “Its too expensive ra!” He would innocently reply “No daddy its only one rupee”. My dad laughed and asked “Only one rupee??” and he would spread his hands around and say, “Whole world is one rupee! Everything is one rupee!!” and my grandma would come around and tell my dad “Your son is preparing himself to buy the whole world”.

He was somewhat a kid-electrician, my mum had to make sure to hide all possible electric and electronic goods. He ripped a tape recorder into parts proclaiming that he is repairing it and reduced an old clock into nuts, bolts, needles and wheels. Pulled out the tape from cassettes and stretched it from one end of the living to the other.

Michael Jackson was his demigod and he would throw himself into what I recognized as synchronized fits! He always had a clapping audience so he never really cared what I thought of it.

He was such an impressionable kid. After watching a superman cartoon he ran to the room pulled out a towel tied it around his neck and ran all around the house. He ran up the stairs to the terrace. My mum got so scared if he would attempt to jump off the parapet but all he need was more space run around and wind for his towel to fly.

He had some technique of pinching with his knuckles and he would try it on my hand and challenge me to do the same. OOOuch! It hurt sooo much. I would take up the challenge and he would laugh seeing me not able to do it and then I would stealthily use my nails to hurt him and it would end up in big time bash up time! Who was I kidding… That guy had the strength of the Gods!

I always enjoyed teasing him. He was out of his bath and my mom had gone to attend the door bell. He opened the cupboard in an attempt to pick his own t-shirt and ended up pulling out my red frock with white spots. He just wore it on for fun and spun round and round holding up the flare of the skirt. I found it so funny that I rolled over the floor and laughed. He was so offended that he ended up wrestling with me and my mom comes back to witness it and says “Ohh Nooooooooo Not again!!!”

He always has absolute determination about what he loves to do. His first bike was his life. Nobody taught him how to ride a bike, he came back home with a lot of bruises but it was amazing to see how slowly he himself removed the supports of his bike and ride without holding the handlebars!

We grew up! I started going to college and he was in high school. He became less mischievous, more responsible and mature. But that’s not stopping us fight he he! Remote Fight was everyday fight!!!!! The only time we used to agree on channels was 8pm…Anything but Sun News! But the ruler of the remote at that time was DAD!!!

He automatically by default hated all my celebrity crushes. “Whats that fatso Madhavan got…what do you girls see in him?” and I would say “Don’t be jealous, He’s got a cute smile”. He would sneer back “Jealous me??? I don’t even want to have a smile close to his”

Poor guy was always tired of attending my phone calls. I would come back home after a class or outing and ask, “Did anyone call?” and he would irritably say “Yeh Shah Rukh Khan, Hrithik Roshan and Salman Khan called to ask for appointments with you!”. I’d shout back “Don’t kid…tell me its important”. He would snigger and say “Who else Kadalai Mama and Lipstick Maami (his nick names for my friends, he hated them all too) Whats so important about them???”

I could go on and on and maybe write a book… It’s always been fun to have him around. I’ve seen that as people grow up into adults they fight with their siblings over issues like property, prestige etc etc. Even though we’ve fought over so many things we’ve always come around it because they were all soo trivial… Hey bro! I promise that I’ll never let things go soo far that it would lead to misunderstandings with permanent damages like I see all around the world, because my life with you means a lot. I want to add a whole lot to my already existing sweet memories, as I grow old :). Waiting to see you after a year and a half in December :)

That unspoken love around fights and hidden possessiveness around arguments – are "Affections Disguised" – too proud to be expressed.

Its the Crab Speaking!

2005-09-24T19:19:00.000-07:00

This probably will be the shortest blog I’ve ever posted. So you really won’t be boggled down with loads of paragraphs of my abstract musings. I’m reading “The Fountain Head”, I’ve read “Atlas Shrugged” and “Anthem”, some of Ayn Rand’s other books. I can quote a whole lot of lines from her books which I adore a lot (Even though there are a few I don’t quite agree with). But here is one paragraph I can relate to myself.

“There’s so much nonsense about human inconstancy and the transience of all emotions.” Said Wynand. “I’ve always thought that a feeling which changes never existed in the first place. There are books I liked at the age of sixteen. I still like them.”

The significance of those lines doesn’t need pages of description and reasoning, as simple and deep as it explains the word “Clingy” as opposed to “Possessive”, does anyone not see the difference?

The Recurring Fear

2005-09-07T13:23:00.000-07:00

This is not my attempt at writing poetry, I don’t even know if it can be called one. But I wrote it today out of some whim.

The Recurring Fear

I descend down the creaking stairs;

To pick up my laundry from the buzzing dryer.

I hear a loud bang upstairs

My friend’s closed the door to trap me down here.

The lonely electric bulb above my head turns off

Of course not by itself the prankster commands up there

I wait till my eye adjusts to the darkness

And find a corner on the stairs to sit and wait

Slowly light flows down the stairs

And I see the prankster look down and stare

I look up and smile “What’s the idea?”

A defeated voice asks “Don’t you ever get scared?”

A shrug, a grin and I’m back to my chores.

A hundred students in a vast air-conditioned lab

A duster and a chalk in hand, facing them all

I hardly sweat nor shiver, with a voice loud and clear,

I explain the rules formulated by Dennis Ritchie.

As I grow up in an alien land

And learn things never heard before,

I stand behind the podium, with a microphone pinned to my collar.

The professors I have admired the most in the panel

Don’t cause me to blank out or pass out,

Nor do my PhD competitors freak me out

As I present what I learnt and found.

It’s a couple of hours after the middle of the night

I’m at my desk with no other living soul around

The messenger window flashes and blinks bright

It’s my roomie, “you should have come right home”

I smile and type, “Hey, I’m alright”!

Still not satisfied, “How do you do it, its a scary and depressing night”

As grateful as I am to have a caring mate,

It’s just a research lab for heaven’s sake

No soft mattresses and quilts here

To tempt laziness when I can’t afford it.

A group in high spirits and cheer

Walking home after a midnight submission.

A guy among the group stops and begs the rest to hear,

Attentive ears and a single voice breaking the silence

“You see the engraved stone below this tree here?”

Eyes Widened and heads nodded,

“It’s the name of the professor whose soul haunts that Hall there”

I only hear a “Hmph!!” and Oh! That’s from me

Seeing the amused me he says, “It’s true”

Then piercing into the night, a sharp scream,

It’s my friend being pushed to the tree.

Suppressing giggles I follow the path home.

Today is a fine day; I can see the sun shining

People around me say it’s warm and cozy, a rare feeling around here,

That’s the reason they are all smiling

The hollow of my palm is wet with sweat

Shouldn’t that mean it’s humid?

But I impulsively pull out the sweater sleeping in my backpack

And Slip it on; the wool relaxes the goose bumps

But doesn’t cease the shivering

I feel my forehead with the back of my hand,

To find it colder than normal, just as I expected it to be.

So I’m not sick with fever, I’ve felt this before

I know its fear, but why and for what reason.

It’s not fear of crowd or darkness

Neither fear of the dead nor loneliness

I taught myself to overcome all the known mundane fears

But of what form is this unidentified fear?

Which keeps recurring out of the blue…

Hope Vs Expectation

2005-08-21T12:41:00.000-07:00

I'm back with a new inspiration for a blog. Its NOT about Harry Potter again, so all those who read my blog and aren't in the habit of reading the Harry Potter Series need not be disappointed again.
What inspired me to write this blog is a conversation with my friend. This blog is organised as a pair of situations and my reasoning to it...So i will start off with what inspired me to write the blog and continue with my wandering thoughts after that.

Situation:
(Hey! Friend1- this is not exactly our conversation, but I have modified it so that other people can understand what I am talking about, not everyone knows things about you and me as much as we do ;))
Friend1: It really surprises me as to the number of people you are close to.
Me: Well that's me
Friend1: But you are Clingy.
Me: Yeah sure, if I consider someone really close to me i do so for life
Friend1: Don't you think you should be selective about who you consider close. I let very few people close to my heart.
Me: Why is that because you are scared that if you get close to a lot of people there are high chances that they might hurt you and so u are close to only those you are sure wont hurt you.
Friend1: Exactly.

Reasoning:
Why should I let someone to be really close to me only when i am sure that they wont hurt me? Well, even if I like the person a lot, I have zero expectations. My liking towards that person is not based on what I expect him or her to do. For example (This is how usually friendship breaks) even if that person goes ahead and speaks behind my back and I find out. There are two ways I take this back biting

1) If I am actually guilty of doing any such thing, its my opportunity to accept my mistake and undo it and I am thankful to that person for it.
2) If I am not guilty of it, i can only pity the ignorance of that person. But doesn't mean I stop considering that person as my friend because he or she dint think of me the way I wanted him or her to think of me.

I might face a ego battle between the two choices, but the truth is evident always if you choose not to camouflage it.
After I told my friend this she asked me

Friend1: So you are telling me that if at this instance (hypothetically) I tell you I wont be friends with you anymore you wont be hurt?
Me: I wont! I don't rule your mind, I don't expect you to trust me, I don't expect you to tell me everything that's happening in your life. Even if you choose not to talk to me ever I still consider you as someone close to me.
Friend1: :)
Me:When there is a world filled with nice people why should i restrict my liking to only a selected few.

Situation:
Another conversation with a friend at undergrad after all of us got our results.

Me: Whats wrong with you.
Friend2: I got a 75 in maths paper, I was expecting at least a 90. Its was my favorite subject, looks like I am not good at it after all. How did you do in your maths?
Me: I got a 92
Friend2: Wow your brilliant! How about Engineering Drawing, Its been your favorite subject and you've always topped it in college midterms. You've been the profs favorite too, he was expecting you to score a cent um.
Me: Well I got a 55.
Friend: Ooh god! Are you okay?
Me: Of course.

Reasoning:
The reason why you don't get the score you "expect" to get in a subject can be a wide range of factors beyond your control after you write the exam. But the expectations was what hurt the girl to the extent that she thought that it was not her favorite subject anymore? A 55 in my exam did not make me blind to the fun in engineering drawing.

Situation:
There was this friend of mine from another department who told me he had fallen in love with my classmate. He expressed his feelings to her, but she denied acceptance of his love for her, but assured him that she liked him as a friend. My friend dint come to terms with his rejection and continued to try to woo her. Time passed by they kept in touch as friends, by that time my friend got over his crush and there was a new girl in his life who reciprocated his admiration. My classmate then calls up my friend and the following is the conversation

Classmate: I heard from Pavi that you are going around with this new girl.
Friend3: Yeah, dint I tell you about her.
Classmate: Yeah, but I thought it was your one other pranks to woo me. I thought you were trying to make me jealous
Friend3: What are you talking about?
Classmate: You have betrayed me. I thought you like me and no one else. I liked you too.
Friend3: I did like you before and I expressed it too. You never accepted it and I have gotten over my past experiences. If you had told me yes before things would have been different, but this girl is who i want to be with now
Classmate: You are such a cheat I dint expect this from you. You have hurt me a lot.

Reasoning:
This girl based her liking on this guy because he for long without giving up tried to woo her? She expected him to take his admiration for her to his grave? If she did like him all she should have done is accepted it and the course of things from that point of time would have been happy. What she failed to notice is that her unreasonable expectation is what hurt her and that he was not a cheat.

Situation:
This is the time in my university when new students are coming in, and when they see us seniors around the place they tend to talk to us to gather information and also tell us how they feel about the new place. In one such conversation with a new student. (New Student(if you get to read this blog): Don't misunderstand me that I am trying to mock you, but hope you see the reasoning behind it)

New Student: I am feeling very home sick.
Me: Oh yeah you tend to be. Is this your first time out of home.
New Student: Yeah. I am sure I am going to miss my parents a lot. I am very close to them. When I have my exams they used to just bring my food to me in my room and come back to collect the dishes too. Living with friends is not going to be fun. My mom's such a great cook. I have to do with my cooking now :(. I never even used to wash my own plate at home. The houses are in such miserable conditions here, I dint expect the US to be like this. My room in India was so cozy. My parents have always made sure that they took care of everything for me all I had to do was go to college. So I am planning to go home in December so that I feel better about it.

Reasoning:
This conversation is not about only one particular student, but its based on what I have heard from a lot of people here. They actually miss their parents because they cant expect anyone here to do all what their parents did for them when they lived with them? So basically the hurt is not the absence of parents but the disappointment of expectations not satisfied by roommates or friends.

Situation:
I'm not trying to say I have never made the mistake of having expectations from people. This one is a good example. When i was applying to universities in the US I had one favorite university. I so badly wanted to get admission into that university. I emailed one professor in that university and he used to reply to my mails. He gave me suggestions as to how i could improve on my skills regarding my area of interest. This encouragement gave me an expectation that this professor will recommend my admission. But it so happened that i received a reject one night and what i ended up doing crash my self worth and cry all night.

Reasoning:
It was not the professor's fault. His replies to my mail doesn't guarantee me an admission in the university, he isn't the one in the selection committee. The fault was mine, instead of of expecting to get an admit i should have hoped to get an admit. Apart from the hope, i should have also realised that what I did was try my best and that I don't have any say over things beyond my control. This maturity of mind would have helped me handle the situation in a better way.According to me Hope cannot hurt. Expectation can hurt!

So what I am trying to say is that I don't think anyone has the right to expect anything from another living soul, even if its going to be your parents, your spouse, your best friend, your love....etc etc. And I cant see how you can get hurt or base your liking on whether they satisfy your expectations. Some of you reading this might have a question like - "So you mean to say you never get hurt? Don't tell me!". My answer to this is, of course I get hurt and that's when I do mistakes and don't feel good about it till I do something to correct it. I dont "expect" all of you'll to relate with this blog but I "hope" you see the reasoning behind it.

To This Muggle's Grave

2005-07-31T09:19:00.000-07:00

I'm back with the promised 2nd blog about Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. While the previous one dealt with situation before and as I was reading the book, this is about the aftereffects. To my surprise it was like a whole world against me!

Some Zonked, those who just finished reading the book, being shattered that the greatest wizard ever in the history of Hogwarts being killed!

Some Mad angry, that JKR should choose something like killing the most important and most likable character in Harry Potter. There could be no one who could not like Dumbledore. There could even be people who dint really like Harry Potter himself, but no one would have anything against the great headmaster.

Some Murderous, swearing that if Snape was for real they would not hesitate to murder him. Harry Potter Forums filled with "die snape die!!" slogans and that Dumbledore should never have believed Snape.

Some Disbelieving, Wondering if JKR's gone nuts killing all those who've always tried to save or protect harry like Sirius and Dumbledore and both of them dieing a very mediocre death. Sirius just falling off behind a curtain?? and Dumbledore just drinking some green liquid voluntarily, and ultimately not finding the horacrux??.... both of them dying a death without anything good dying for.

Amidst all this , I was more than happy the way JKR decided to sketch this book, I enjoyed in its entirety, it takes over The Sorcerer's stone in my ranking which is

Prisoner of Azkaban
Chamber of Secrets
Half Blood Prince
Sorcerer's Stone
Order of the Pheonix
Goblet of Fire

After hearing my views, the reactions were mostly an eyebrow lift! something like

What are u? mad?
Are you Soulless?
Ohh Your just baised!
You just can't come in terms that you were wrong about Snape!
I can see the dark side of you! Go ahead tell me you like Lord Voldemort

All this did not persuade me to believe that I was wrong about Snape. I was more than happy to know that he was the Half Blood Prince... I was wishing all the way. This does not mean that I am happy Dumbledore dies. Hell nooooo! I like him a lot. Hez the perfect Granpa material...and love him for his serene wise nature. But my argument is just that snape isnt bad!

There are hints all over JKR's writing, both subtle and blatant.

Remember? Hagrid tells Harry, Ron and Hermoine that he had overheard an argument between Snape and Dumbledore and Snape did not want to do what dumbledore asked him to do. I have a hunch that Snape was asked to kill Dumbledore in case the situation arises. The concept is a little hazy at this point of time but it seems plausible.
Snape dint even have a hint that the Death Eaters had entered Hogwarts because he had to be informed about it, so if he was involved entirely in the break in why dint he know previously?
The other death eaters did not dare to kill Dumbledore, as the Dark Lord had mentioned that only Malfoy should complete the task, if Snape was one among the death eaters he wouldnt dare to take the task in his hand.
If Snape intended to kill Dumbledore, why had he to wait so long? The unforgivable curse could be used at any instant.
If snape was to be shown as a guy who betrays Dumbledore why would JKR break the suspense in the first few chapters of the book itself? It doesnt strike to me as some kind of twisted surprise.
There is the Unbreakable Vow to be explained, just like how Sirius dies just falling off behind a curtain...answers to which should be available in the 7th book.

There are hints all over....right from the first book to the sixth over which i am placing my defense for Snape's case! Whatever it is i think JKR has succeeded in her intension of making people hate Snape... just that she missed one soul's ardent belief.

This reminds me of my high school days non-detail reading of "The Pride and Prejudice", when the whole class of girls were drooling over the hopelessly romantic Bingley, I had my eyes, heart, soul and most importantly mind/brain on Darcy. I proved to be right that time. I am hoping JKR doesnt let me down this time. Even if she chooses to, I would rather prefer to have my own version of the 7th book. Well, its the Wizarding world, Anythings Possible!!

My argument is if you truly love Dumbledore, you'll trust Snape. If dumbledore can go to his grave trusting Snape...I can too..After all I'm a muggle...lesser powers than the Greatest Wizard of all Times! :D

The Unbreakable Vow

2005-07-22T20:56:00.000-07:00

All right! All right! It’s about JKR’s most happening book these days, “Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince”. Before I even start off with the blog, I should say this blog is restricted only to those who have read the book. Those intending to do so in the near future, you wouldn’t want me to break the suspense hidden in it. Do you? Get back after you read up!

17th July 2005 Sunday, 9:00 PM: My roommates and I had gone for dinner to a friend’s place. We were served yummy food, and my roommate sitting besides me unusually did not utter much as a single word. She hardly ate two spoons and she just sat head hung down occasionally sniffing (She wasn’t smelling if you are considering the actual meaning of the word, she was obviously sobbing). Then one of the guys in that house asks

Guy: What’s wrong with you today?
Roomie: Nothing, if I tell you guy’s you all will scold me. It’s the book
Me: Oh! Come on…. Don’t tell me you are crying over something that happened in the wizarding world?
Roomie: He shouldn’t have died! :(

I was shocked! Somebody dies in HP6? And it’s someone who is very dear to faithful Harry Potter fans? They were discussing more I just left the place so that I dint have to spoil the suspense of the book. The knowledge of the fact that someone dies is by itself a big spoilsport!

18th July 2005 Monday, 11 AM: My copy arrives from amazon.com, and my friend at work, who is yet to read the book, says

Friend: I know who dies, I found out today morning. Actually I dint want to know but I guessed it right :(
Me: Please don’t tell me.
Me (in my mind): Yeh! Just don’t make it obvious. Even though my brain 1/4th realizes who it could probably be. I’m just refusing to know before even turning a page of the book.

19th July 2005 Tuesday, 7:00 AM: I check my mail and my friend from India sends me a mail saying that she can’t but wait to discuss the book with me and wanted me to finish as soon as possible and a chat window pops up…

Friend: How many pages?
Me: About 10 chapters!
Friend: I got a little emotional you know! But I wont tell you who dies!
Me(in my mind): What else can be so disastrous? Not the dead of Prof. Mcgonagall or Prof. Flitwick obviously
Friend: SNAPE!!!!!! I’ll kill him…. And Pavi, this book will disappoint you.
Me(in my mind): Yeh! True! Snape is my favorite! Don’t tell me JKR ruined his character! And what’s more disappointing than the person you like turning a murderer/traitor?

20th July 2005 Wednesday, 8:00 PM: In the bus back home, I was reading the 20th chapter and I meet one of my friends and she finishes off in one sentence

Friend: Harry Potter? Dumbledore dies!!
Me: Great! Thanks a Ton!
Friend: Err! I haven’t read it… I’m just guessing!
Me (In my mind): Hmph! Like that consolation is going to help!

22nd July 2005 Friday 6:00 AM: Finally finished the book. That which would have taken me normally about one and a half days took me 4 days because of work and all that happened above. I did enjoy it, but .....

Anyone see how difficult it is to refrain from discussing a happening book like this? I bet I would have blabbered a whole lot to people who haven’t yet started reading the book. Sorry guys! I know how it feels! Today I take an unbreakable vow “I shall shut myself until I finish reading any Harry Potter book which will be as soon as possible and never spoil the other’s joy of reading the book!”

More to follow about Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince.... real soon :)

Life Vs Survival

2005-07-17T07:05:00.000-07:00

I’ve been doing some heavy reading lately which probably is making my mind work overtime one thought let to another and to yet another and finally lead to the writing of this blog. For some reason I got reminded of the day my mom decided to get birds,

Mom: Come on lets go get the birds

Me: Ma! No way…I don’t think it’s a great idea to get birds as pets

Mom: Why not? I like the way they chirp, it’s so lively.

Me: I can’t quite come in terms with the fact of birds being caged, they need more space, at least something more closer to their natural habitat. Get some other pet, anything else!

Mom: Did you know that these birds were born in cages, their wings are not accustomed to flying in the wild and that they would die if they try to do so? The cage is their home and they like it in there.

Me: All right ma if you really want them.

I dint talk to her properly when she got the birds home. My mom did manage to convince me that it was not all that bad an idea to have birds as pets. The birds seemed to be happy just feeding on the food it was served daily and contended with its usual routine. One day one of the female birds died, apparently due to indigestion. We had to replace them with a new pair because a new female could just not get along with the widower. A few days back I was on the phone with my dad and….

Me: How come home seems so silent today I can’t hear our birds chirp!

Dad: We gave them away.

Me: How come suddenly? I thought mom loved them!

Dad: Yeh she did, but one of them kept trying to fly away whenever your mom tried to keep some food or water in the cage. One day she couldn’t really catch hold of that to put him back in the cage. These birds cant stay without their pairs one might follow the other, so we thought it was best to give them away.

I thought of the determined bird that freed itself out of the cage… his up bringing just thought him to stay within the confines of his cage, eat what was served, swing on the little pieces of wood tied to the cage, chirp and jump around the cage all day and create one hell of a racket if the daughter of the house doesn’t switch of the lights by ten at night. But he chose otherwise, maybe his wings gave him away sometime, maybe some wildcat or bird killed him, maybe he grew hungry and passed out, or maybe he just loved it out there. He might have been aware of the consequences or maybe not. But maybe he thought he wasn’t doing anything worth his life just sitting around and pecking on food all day. At least this bird knew what he was dieing for (if at all death came by) as compared to the one that died of indigestion. One might argue saying, but the birds in there were smarter, they had a secure means of survival…. But tell me; is life about survival or living? Are you saying “huh?” I say, “Oh yes there is a difference.”

A blind beggar on the streets is “looking” for a means of survival; a blind salesman selling books on a train and making sure he keeps track of what he sold in spite of his disability is “earning” a living. An agitated Afro-American mugging an innocent passer by returning from his late night duties is “looking” for a means of survival. A rapper at the rail station platform who is more aware of what talent lies in him is “earning” a living. It’s not only the unprivileged but there are others who also act like these beggers or looters, just that we dont realise it. I am pretty sure I would have also come in terms with certain things just for the sake of things to run smoothly. Pacify (actually “fool” is more like the right word) myself by saying “That’s how its meant to be”, “Its safer and easier this way”, “Its lesser confusion”, “Its been so all this while, who am I to change it?”. Lets see, if I am passionate about my life (as I claim to be) I would choose to live rather than survive! Happy Living!!!

Will I get to Dessert?

2005-06-12T19:42:00.000-07:00

It’s almost a month since summer vacation started and I dint post a single blog? Wow that’s so not like me! When I pondered why I hadn’t done so.. I figured out two reasons… With a forty-hour summer job and my passions to catch up with (like reading, painting and watching movies), which I never dared to do during the semester, summer seemed as busy as the semester time, in fact a lot busier. The second reason was that I really dint get any kind of inspiration to blog about something, which is important…. I would never want to blog just for the sake of periodicity.

My inspiration set in on one blessed Saturday morning with the scorching sun overhead, white tents arranged neatly one after the other, stretched across nearly 3 long streets of downtown Buffalo, with loads of people in these streets like I have never seen before that it hurt my eye a little in surprise. “The Allentown Art Festival”

As I walked towards the crowd I thought would an art festival in a place like Buffalo be any good? My lifetime’s wish is to visit almost all the popular museums in the world, yet there was this peculiar excitement in me, more like I was going to visit “The Louvre” at Paris, inspite of the fact that what I was seeing in front of me was sweating artists standing proudly in front of their white canvas tents rather than tall walls of architectural value and tour guides.

Large museums would have artwork neatly spaced so that an individual can pay special attention to each one of their precious pieces, adored on massive walls with special display lights. But out here the artists had to scramble to make space for all their proud creations in the available 10 x 10 x 10 feet (approximately) stall space securely tied on to the canvas cloth which just managed to bear all the weight. You start looking at one piece of work when the other catches your eye that you turn to the other before you fully appreciate the previous and so on. Even as I started falling in love with one piece of art I would be forced to move on to the other because the rate of incoming people was much larger than the time required for me to completely go head over heals on one.

The Niagara falls with the full impact of its powerful nature in oil medium on canvas, leaf imprints burnt over clay pots with the beauty of its knitted veins so distinct, colors of precious/semi precious stones on intricately hand crafted jewelry that would make any female with a good eye sight go bonkers. Glass, far from plain and yet transparent, letting you see through it with enthused amazement, in so many different forms. Small tanks, helicopters, jeeps made out of used cola tins and copper wire and useless printed circuit boards turning into funny little robot sculptures speaks out about how beautiful junk can turn out to be. With just a black pen as tool and paper as base the architectural beauty of the University at Buffalo and surrounding campuses depicted with intricacy. Short captivating instances of life kept alive for eternity as large framed photographs and a loooooooooooooooooooot more.

It was amazing how the individuality of each artist was so obvious like he had his signature all over his stall. Its breath taking as to how creative a human’s brain can get, inspirations derived from all facets of life. My eye was aching with the plentitude of beautiful art around me it was just a whole lot for me to take at one instant. But this is just like a morsel out of a dinner plate and i feel full already... looks like my life time is not enough to devour them all before I can even think of the dessert.

Is this Me?????

2005-04-29T08:07:00.000-07:00

End Semester period, in one word “havoc”, and what on earth am I doing? Writing a blog? Pavi, u mad? Actually writing one to prevent the entry of madness in my already chaotic mind. After a frustrating week of C++ programming I went so crazy that at the end of it I swore I am going to take a movie titled “Segmentation fault”, huh? !@#$%^&* Got the clue?So, chilling out a little….

I’m getting a little nostalgic again in this blog. It’s a comparison between how things were when I was in India and how things are when I am here…..

INDIA - Me: Whats for breakfast?

Mom: Idli and coconut chutney….

Me: Idli for breakfast? “yeeeeeeuckkkkkkkk!”

USA - Me: Idli? Where? Where?

Roomie: No, I said the pope died in Italy, Chweety.. you ok?

Me: No, Its ok, I can have it without the Chutney

Roomie: Huh??

Me: Sigh!

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INDIA – Mom: Err! Miss? Care keeping your room clean? It’s been this way for long!

Me: Ma!! Come on! I can find stuff easier this way

Mom: Pavi? Your grand mom calls your room a “Godown”

Me: Phew! That’s better than it being called a “Museum” he he!

Mom: Lady… I give up

Me: Thanks mom! Ur the best :D

USA - Friend : What’s up for the weekend?

Me: Well, I’m thinking of doing some cleaning….

Friend: Cleaning What? The streets?

Me: Eh? Our Apartment ofcourse!

Friend: Wasn’t that what you did last weekend?

Me: Well, That was a week back! I can’t think straight if it’s messy!

Friend: Yeh right Clean Freak! Do us a favour and clean our apartment for us too!

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INDIA – Me: Whats that noise?

Brother: Excuse me! That’s Rap! Eminem, It’s a show on him.

Me: They are showing “Mouna Ragam” on Sun TV I want to watch that

Brother: You would have watched that movie a zillion times…. And Mani Ratnam is a loser!

Me: Your swearing Rapper is the Loser!

Brother: I’m not changing the channel, try what you can!

USA (chat conversation)

Brother: Hey! They are showing “Kannathil Muthamittal” on TV, one of your favorite movies, got reminded of you.

Me: Ooh really?

Brother: Surya is your favorite right? Watch Mayavi….I found it online on a website. You might like it.

Me: Thank you ra! I miss you!

Brother: Me too!

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INDIA – Me: {lazily sleeping at 6:00 pm}

Dad: Pavi Kanna? Don’t sleep in the evening ma… You’ll sleep late at night and get up late again tommorow morning.

Me: hmmmmm yawn ! {get up}

Me: {next day morning slepping till 7:00 am}

Dad: Pavi! You got to catch the bus at 8:00!

Me: 5 minutes daddy!

Me: {get ready and come out of the room}

Dad: You did not drink milk before your bath!!

Me: I’ll have it now….gulp!

Mom: Have breakfast!…..

Me: Gulp! Enough!

Bro: Oye! Your friend Raji called up, she wants some CD, Keep a PA to attend all your calls…I have better work.

Mom: Here’s your lunch!

Me: Ok, Bye mom, Bye Dad!

Dad: Your forgetting your juice!

Me: Sigh! No daddy Its getting late!

Dad: I’m not dropping you in the bus stand until you have it or take it!

Me: Fine!!!!!!!!

USA - alarm: {at 6:00 am} buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Me: {at 6:15 force myself out of bed}

Me: {at 6: 25 getting ready}

Me: {at 7:00 having milk and checking mail}

Me: {at 7:10 make and dump a sandwich in my bag to have it for breakfast, presently no time}

Me: {at 7:25 pack last night’s left over for lunch}

Me: {at 7:50 text books, laptop and other stuff to last me for the day in the bag}

Me: {15 minutes walk through the mostly snow laded streets of buffalo, to the bus stand}

Me: {Reach work at 8:40, 10 minutes late, Grin at my boss :D}

Looking at it positively, coming to this country has done some good to a pampered child like me and I have noticed that you need to let go, to miss it and love it when it occurs to you again. I just cant wait to set foot back home and appreciate all what I took for granted previously.

Oops, got to get back to the semester work.....Got the whole summer to blog away :D.....wish me luck ;)

Right? Wrong? Life? Death?

2005-03-31T21:44:00.000-08:00

After two early morning classes and loads of work waiting for me at work, I sit down in front of my desktop in my lab and open up my browser to do the first thing I do, check mails. msn.com being my home page there was this small box with the flashing message “Terri Schiavo dies”, I thought "I have never heard this name before, what could the news possibly be about…" I click on the message and start reading out of curiosity…. the article shocked me so much that I was not able to stop reading…. I went about reading related articles, and when slowly people started coming in to work I realized this is not something I ought to be doing at work, but I somehow could not concentrate on my work the entire day. After a long day, I came back home and watched the videos of her story online.

I am not able to figure out answers for a lot of questions…. For those who really don’t know want I am talking about, (you can read up first hand information though, this is just for convenience sake) Terri Schiavo had a heart attack at the age of 25, this lead her to an incapacitated state caused by some kind of brain damage. She was not exactly in comma state but had long cycles of sleep and being awake. She was in such a state for 15 years; her husband wanted her food pipe to be removed because he claimed that she said that she did not want to live artificially and be a burden to people and her parents denied the claim. The case was taken to the court and after a long battle, the court ordered her food pipe to be removed some days ago and she eventually passed away.

I am not sure whose side to take. These are my mixed emotions....

1) If the husband really did not love the wife why would he struggle for her case and be with her in spite of her state for the past 15 years? So maybe he does understand her well
2) Its difficult from the parents point of view to just let their daughter die and they being spiritual people (as I noticed) had their hopes and trust high
3) The husband wanted to full fill her wish and not want her to struggle?
4) The parents saw no reason how a mortal can decide whether she should die when he did not give her life?
5) The husband thought it would do her suffering soul good because she had absolutely no senses of her surroundings and was not actually living a life?
6) The parent’s thought whatever her state was, she had the right to live and all she needed was love and care?
7) Can a judicial court actually decide something as critical as this?

This sure has disturbed me….But now that she has gone, what are we to learn out of this? What best I can do now is pray for her soul and pray even harder that no one else should face such a struggle ever ever ever!!! I would like to hear some comments about this issue….

A Cherished Celebration

2005-03-03T22:00:00.000-08:00

It’s been quite sometime since I wrote a blog, the semester sure has kept me busy. Not that its less busy now, but somehow I have noticed that whatever it is you scramble to find time to do what you really love to do, so here you go my next blog.

I somehow have this habit of hovering over my past, I really don’t know if its right, some people say we should live in the present, plan for the future etc…alright, alright makes sense, but somehow the past has a special place in my mind and it just thought me something…read up to find out.

Childhood! That innocent age in between say 5 to 12 maybe…. When every new thing you see, learn and experience is exciting, it’s more about how you teach yourself and mould yourself by closely observing. What might seem trivial to older people was in fact exciting at that age. We would have tried it all! I am sure you would relate to whatever I say when you read the list of things I still vividly remember about my childhood. Even though they might seem inconsequential…I am sure they have made a difference to the person I am today.

1) Teacher – Made my doll buddies sit in a row on the stair case, set up the little black board dad got for me, smuggled my grandma’s glasses ( and yeh the glasses had to be at the tip of my nose to get the perfect teacher effect, couldn’t see a thing with them up against my eye anyway) and thought them how to write the alphabets. Believe me they paid much more attention than actual students do (ahem, they at least had their eyes open)
2) Artist – Make my mom get me coloring books and color all the pages within a week and grin and smile at her to get me another one…finally, she even made me promise once that I would keep one book for at least 2 months, I still have that book unfinished of the fear of finishing it off within 2 months.
3) Agriculturist – Plant the seeds of all the fruits I ate (once I learnt trees grow out of seeds) in a particular location in the garden and marked that place with some identification like a dried flower circle or something, so that I could return to it every day and pour water, wonder if any plants came out of them at all…. but optimism was not lacking.
4) Horticulturist – After learning in school that grafting is a way in which a few plants grow, I tried it out with the rose stems out of the bouquet, my parents got for some reason.
5) Fashion Designer – Designed and stitched clothes for my Barbie dolls and made sure I got the color combinations right even with the little scrap materials I had, and yeh they did not go without the little bead accessories I made too. Had to be perfect anyways!
6) Cosmetician – Looked up the ingredients of an herbal shampoo and tried making my own by crushing hibiscus, henna and egg together. I did not dare to use my own formula though…it was for the benefit of the Barbies he he!
7) Architect – Spent a long time building sand castles and decorate them with shells and hoist a little flag to make you feel proud of your achievement, even when I knew it would be washed away when the first big wave came by.
8) Environmentalist – messed up the mixer jar with a sticky paste of glue and bits of used paper in the attempt to recycle paper
9) Chef – lighted up a few dried twigs and leaves in between two bricks in one corner of the terrace and made a small meal with the little rice and a few spices I stole from the kitchen. No one dared to be the connoisseurs of my food except the darling crows.

And so much more that don’t come to my mind at this instance, but do crop up when related incidents happen in my life.

What I gather out of this thought is that I haven’t really been all that successful in all the above cases, just attempted out of excitement and “want” to do, it really did not matter if it went wrong or right, what mattered is the attempt and the joy of what I did! Why am I now scared about failing in what I do, why has the “want to do” feeling faded and “have to do” feeling set in. Has growing older done any good at all? Maybe it has after all, but where is all the excitement, enthusiasm and involvement. What’s scaring or stopping me now? I guess its time to wake up and revive those glorious days! To Celebrate Life! Eternally….

God's own Counterparts

2005-02-13T20:35:00.000-08:00

And now for this week’s blog…Its about Animated movies…bet I can see some smiles! This sure is a happy blog :) I guess it all started with comic strips…people do love comic strips now a days too…a short little fun thing. But making it come to life is something more fun. After comic strips it moved on to making traditional two dimensional cartoons for kids to watch…there are innumerable characters..the most popular is Mickey Mouse…I bet everyone one of us would have owned at least one Mickey or his friend’s based goodies…like a pencil case, a coloring book or a T-Shirt…I have a friend who still loves her bedsheet with mickey mouse motifs! And it’s an immediate choice for parents to decorate their kid’s room! See how much good it does to lighten up a kids life?

Then people came up with brilliant ideas of making kids develop good habits, once they noticed that they were taking them as examples, one good thing was Popeye…I remember this cute little kid neighbour of mine…who relished every spoon of spinach he ate as he watched his hero bash up the “bad guys”. Most of the small episodes apart from being hilarious also had a moral to the end of it…which made growing up into a good individual spontaneous and fun.

Then came the trend of making all fairy tales into movies, its not that it stopped kids from actually reading books, but they sure did enjoy it when the compared their imagination about the character with what was portrayed. Disney is a major player in this, ‘The little Mermaid’, ‘Snow White and the Seven Dwarf’s’, ‘Aladdin’, ‘Lion king’, ‘Cindrella’, ‘The Beauty and the Beast’ are few of my favorites!

As Computer’s started touching each and every aspect of life…It made a huge difference in entertainment as well…This is when the trend of Computer Animated motion pictures came into existence. My Dreamland “Pixar” started off the trend with Toy Story. Listed are few of my favorite characters
1) ‘Buzz’ and ‘Woody’ were wacko! ---Toy Story
2) ‘Flik’ is Inspiring --- A Bug’s Life
3) ‘Boo’ is the cutest --- Monster’s Inc
4) Optimistic ‘Dory’ is adorable --- Finding Nemo
5) Dashing ‘Dash’ --- The Incredibles
6) The hilarious Mr.”Donkey” --- Shrek
7) Yo! Yo! “Oscar” --- Shark Tale
And much much much more…..People, if you have not checked out these guys your missing something in life!

These animators, more precisely creators are almost close to God! Bringing things to life in unimaginable ways! In real movies, how much ever hard the Director tries, he cant get the Actor to bring out the picture he has in mind…. because he just doesn’t feel the emotion. That’s why animated movies do a much better job; the creator brings to life exactly what runs on his/her mind! They can bring emotions to even non living things!! Ever watched the short of Pixar’s mascot, a table lamp…which comes jumping on the screen at the beginning of every Pixar movie? Watch it here http://www.pixar.com/shorts/ljr/index.html (Watch the other shorts too Gerie’s Game is my favorite http://www.pixar.com/shorts/gg/index.html amazing how just a few minutes can create an impact)

One day I will have my own collection of all the possible animated movies and watch it even when I have grown old.

Addressing to all those Big guys who think all this is kid stuff….watch it to feel it! This is not branded to be for 12 years and below…it’s meant for all those who will appreciate, characterization, imagination and creation!!! Is there anyone who doesn’t???? Well… Think again then!!!

And Dearest Greatest God! even though they dont use flesh and skin as raw materials like you do, they do your kinda work pretty well with pencil 'n paper, computers, film 'n projectors and the creativity you gave them ofcourse !

Thanks a Bunch!

2005-02-13T20:32:00.000-08:00

Hey people thanks a lot, I never thought I would get a response as good as this. You guys sure have encouraged me to get going with this.

After these few blogs the following were a couple of comments/feedback I got
1) My blogs have a serious connotation.
2) My blogs are too lengthy, and this is not good because, I wouldn’t have much blog traffic!!

To first answer those suggestions…I agree my blogs were serious so far, but I plan to touch various aspects and issues of life involving all kinds of emotions…so watch out, and about the length…hmm I did warn you…anyway I’ll try to be succinct, but not for the sake of having more blog traffic, but for not wasting the time of the few who honor me by reading my blogs. Ahem…my next blog is not concise…actually I have more to say about that topic than what’s been typed out…Its my obsession in life! I could bug you about the next blog’s topic for an entire day hmm actually maybe a week non stop! Oh im really not sure! hee hee hee! So forgive me this one time! :)

Keep visiting my blog! Anyway “Thoughts Unlimited” comprises of my thoughts and yours too! So keep commenting! Its more fun that way!!!!!

Hunger Happens

2005-02-04T22:36:00.000-08:00

This blog is very close to my heart…because it is about something which I have always had in mind, but recently has got me thinking a lot…

The end of last year saw a very catastrophic event, the “tsunami” I remember spending the entire day in front of the TV during the break, in my aunt’s house at NJ watching news reports of how disastrous it proved to be. I logged into the internet and went through few articles and browsed the sites of few relief organizations…This blog isn’t exactly about how big a tragedy the tsunami was (enough has been spoken about it and whatever I blog down will be redundant), its about something which has been of concern for a very long time but has gone unnoticed.

So as I was browsing through, I stumbled upon this word “Hunger”. I stopped and thought, how would it feel to be hungry, I mean real hungry, hungry for long. I am sure those who are reading this blog haven’t experienced that; you wouldn’t have access to a computer with Internet in that case.

I made the following questionnaire based on my thoughts, How many of you’ll have actually said or done or felt the following

Told a colleague or a friend at school that you were eating lunch only at 2 or 3 in the afternoon because you had too much work and how miserable you feel about it?

Plan a diet for yourself and cut down on what you eat for breakfast, and binge by the time of dinner because you feel sorry for yourself because you haven’t eaten properly? (Why else do you think diets don’t work?).

Complained when a friend did not serve dessert at the party he or she threw?

Envied people who could dine in five star hotels and resolved that one-day you would make enough money to treat yourself to that?

Go berserk during grocery shopping, fill up your refrigerator, and later on leave most of the stuff to just rot in there?

Refused to eat the nutritious and hygienic lunch your mom packed for you, but prefer to go for some “fun food” decorated enough to be a treat to both your eyes and taste buds?

Thought at a dinner party that it is stylish to leave some food on your plate once your done, because the host might think you are a glutton if he noticed your plate was clean?

Thought the chef of a restaurant was not good in the way he presented the food on the platter or thought there was something wrong with the color or smell of the food?

Took antacids because you over ate at a party?

I am sure all of us have yes as an answer to at least one of the above, but at these times have we ever thought that at that very instant there are children, men and women losing their lives because they are hungry? Ever thought you could actually stop living because you were hungry? No way…you are sure you will have access to food at the most in a few hours after you start feeling hungry.

Did you know?

Hunger and malnutrition claim:
10 million lives every year
25,000 lives every day
One life every 5 seconds
Hunger & malnutrition are the number 1 risk to global health killing more than AIDS, malaria & TB combined
For 19 cents you can feed a hungry child in school for a day (ever used only 19 c in your life?)
1 out of 7 people in the world suffer from hunger
Six million children under-5 die every year from hunger. (Remember being papered with healthy food at that age and you just wouldn’t eat?)
The world produces enough food for everyone. But over 800 million people remain chronically hungry.
Statistics Courtesy: World Food Programme.

What touched me most was a little square on the left side of the web page - http://www.wfp.org/, which flashed the following

US $10 500 cups of rice
US $25 100 school meals

On browsing the site is saw how much of a difference very meager amounts like this could make, and I bet this amount must be much lesser than the amount we would spend on eating food outside say two or three times.

I am not trying to say that we should starve, eat less or never eat out (None of these will help or make sense in this situation), but it would be great if we keep in mind that we are more fortunate than millions of people around the world and we should never complain about the food we eat and if possible try our best to help the hungry. We should try reducing the number of times we eat out and save that money to feed a whole lot of people who are hungry. Shouldn’t be a big deal. ( Easier than sticking on to your diet ;) )

Food is something basic! Its usual to most of us no big deal in getting it. But, its not so for a whole lot…. think about it and let me know what you feel.

He Lives in me!

2005-01-30T06:58:00.000-08:00

Even though this is my second post, it’s my first proper blog…it’s about how a person is a major part of your life even if he or she is no more.

There is one such special person in my life. My Grandfather! (My mother’s dad) and this blog is dedicated to him. I don’t think just the phrase “He was a great man” would do enough justice to him. A highly educated person got his doctoral degree in the University of Manchester. A very religious person, he was a great devotee of Lord Hanuman and Lord Rama and he used to have photos of these two Gods in his room during his study at Manchester and regularly pray.

A well-traveled person, who had a passion for photography, he had his own projector and countless number of slides of different cities in the world. Traveled widely in places like Japan, Egypt and England. He loved to collect post cards, and I own the whole bunch now, including his camera’s and other equipments.

Married at a very young age he had the strength to reach new heights in education without neglecting his family. He was the father of a son and three daughters, apart from which he took care of many other members of the joint family as his own.

Life did not treat him the best way, but he was no less strong, fighting it to his best efforts, he lost his only son when my uncle was only in his teens. Even though my uncle was ailing ever since he was born, suffering from frequent attacks of fits, the hope and the struggle to keep him alive was immense.

A highly social and friendly person would conduct bajjans at home every week, so that people could come together and pray. A very disciplined person with, respect for everyone and responsibility for his own actions. Even though he was so educated, experienced with high contacts did not go for popularity, money or big titles behind his name, which he could have got with minimum effort. But that was not his priority in life.

The gardener, cook and the servant of the house still talk his praises. How many of us praise our bosses? You can see the sparkle in their eyes when you talk to them about him and they still visit us to pay their respects to him. Their tears during his death were as genuine as the ones from his own family.

His nephews and nieces (that is my mom’s cousins) look up to him with as much respect as they showed to their own parents, and sometimes attribute their success to his support.

Its unbelievable that how a person can be so knowledgeable, spiritual, morally sound, modest, dynamic, social, passionate, dedicated to family and society and more importantly strong even when life isn’t very nice to him.

I wish I could have just met him at least once! Yes! He passed away even before I was born. But still he plays an important part of my life. Every major decision I make, I would just imagine how he would feel about it and decide accordingly. Every joyful moment I have I wish I could have shared it with him. Every sad moment I had I wish I could fall back to that one strong person for moral support. I still feel his presence around me even if he isn’t alive. Surprising how a person’s name lives even after he dies…and it has made an impact on me! Like in fairy tales, if I was granted a wish…I would be to see my grandfather alive and see how proud or not so proud he is about me being his grand daughter. Love you Grandpa! You make a difference in my life!

All Set to Blog!!!

2005-01-29T06:16:00.000-08:00

This blog is going to be my cyber space to all my thoughts…. My friends say that I think so much that they wonder how I have that much space in my head…before it gets too heavy let me archive some here…

If you are thinking of visiting my blog page quite often…I sure should warn you that I write as much as I talk…and people who know me well can see that as a warning! In spite of that if you wish to visit often…then I should say I am honored!!

I encourage you to give me your opinions about my thoughts…. I appreciate it very much when people forthrightly tell me I’m wrong …and I assure you that I’ll send my ego to exile and accept my fault after seeing sense in your argument.

So I'm all set!